I'm sitting again on this couch, playing my favorite sitcom, trying to believe that tomorrow will be okay. I suppose these past few days have been somewhat better.
New Years Eve was a flash of glitter and confetti and vibrant color. It was an endless night of throwing back drinks and smoking cigarettes; of belting our favorite songs and dancing and a thousand and two clicks of disposable cameras(that were found littered through the house the next morning along with cigarette packs, gold stars, Diet Coke cans, and the remnants of good times.) I remember vividly, laughing and eating and singing. It was beautiful. Of course the next morning was a wretched reminder that nights like that do have their drawbacks. I worked a 7 hour shift the day after and nearly had a mental break down from exhaustion(I have been going 100 miles an hour on no sleep lately) and started to cry at the register. The poor customer I was attending was probably incredibly confused, I have to laugh when I think about it.
I miss having drugs on me. That little orange pill bottle in my purse, shaking and clattering around in my purse was such a comfort to have; I can only sigh when I think about it. That ability to numb myself at any moment, at any point, god I fucking need it back.
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| Catharine and matches. |
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| I like how she held it upside down... And I didn't notice haha. |
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| I don't remember Christmas morning. |
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| By the sea. By the sea. |
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| My love! |
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| Me... |
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